Mon septembre

MMmm

Good news today kiddies, I passed my driver's test. I HAVE A LICENSE. I rock. The guy next to me who passed me rocked, much better than the dude the first time. GAH. I'm proud of myself but it's not like mom will let me drive anywhere anyway. Whatever.

Working tonight.

What's new? Kia is not home. We had a meet yesterday. Reyne and I were almost late because of an accident on Hemlock. It involved a truck and a 10 year old girl on her bike I guess. We had to get dropped off at a school park and walk to the jr high to catch the bus for swimming. Scary. Swim meet was fun. woot. My secret buddy must love me ^__^ they showered me with gifts of goooood food. YUM. It's like secret santa at every away meet, get it? Annoymious gift woot! I can't believe summer went by fast, it does this every year. I want it to be June forever.

Yesterday I gave David a letter I wrote up. I dont know how it went. I basically ranted all my thoughts and how I've felt, and sort of apologized for being so mean. He's sick of my mean-ness I guess. He said he has lost respect for me, but I think I lost some for him when he really came off to me like since we weren't dating, why the hell should he care about me? Maybe it's my fault for pushing him away? But on the other hand. HELLO your ex is going to be unhappy with you. Don't make me beat that into your face.

We ( well it was his idea ) need to decide if we wanna take a 'break' from each other or not. Wait a while. I don't understand his proposition exactly. Haven't we been on break as it is? We don't talk like we used to, ( that's my fault, I really don't FEEL like being hunky-dory when I talk to him ) I'm coming around, but at like, 5 mph. (sigh) I miss him, and I love him, I'm trying to love him as a friend.

You know, every time one of my friends has put him down, I have stood up for him even if I'm wrong. That just dawned on me. SCREW THE WORLD.

*Between girls, you don't bash an ex unless she talks down of him first. Yes, yes I have spoken poorly, I'm not going to lie and say I've been this unreal angel about everything, but it's normal and human of me act out against him. Like, I know I must have said things like, for example 'It was so cruel how he broke up with me' or 'He's such a flirt with her.' Plus some of the usual...jerk, heartbreaker, etc. I don't need to be sorry. Do I? No. No it's ok. It's not like I'm raving it to strangers, my anger. It's cooling down. I think the letter helped. I hope it did. I suck :O
I feel like a dirty monster.
And a bitter demon.
On top of a bitch.

David hasn't seen this evil side of me, I would bet he doesn't like it, or want to be around it, since I've been described as a sweetheart and only a nice girl. ( Nice girl, 'she's such a nice girl' pathetic phrase) Somewhere I thought my attitude might test him to see 'so, how much do you really want to be my friend now?' Immature, but it just occured to me. If he wants to, wouldn't he suck it up and chill while I steamed off ?

I'm sick of everything. Maybe I'll drive to Pennslyvania and ask to be adopted by Amish and marry after 3 months. There we go. My Good Jeremiah won't go barn hopping on me, you know what I mean. mmmmm but we'll have to shave that beard off.... It could work.